November 2, 2013
Dear Jen~
Your direct question beckons a direct answer: My allegiance is with Christ.
I renounce, that is, publicly declare, that I love Him more
than “all these”.
Yet, I know only He sees perfectly and is greater than my
heart as He says, so I declare this
knowing that He may yet reveal places of my heart that are divided and do not
yet fear him. It is with regret that I
must say, until I see Him face to face, “Perfectly, No; Increasingly, Yes.
Several God-fearing women would challenge me over the last
few years when they saw discontentment and restlessness well up in my
heart. Steve would challenge status-quo
through His preaching and push me to further search in God’s Word for what God
was saying. God would one day speak
directly to my heart in an authoritative and loving way that He would not “lose
me” to a cause and that I am to Proclaim Christ, not Promote Him. In the last several months, my husband has
prayed that I would seek “no higher calling than that in His Word”. I didn’t know it at the time, but my husband
was calling upon the name of the Lord to grant me a deeper oneness with the
Lord and contentment. As he prayed over
me time and time again, the Lord did a work in my heart. I can assuredly say that God’s glory is our
deepest satisfaction.
Beginning with the Basics class at Freedom, I learned God’s
priorities for my life, as laid out in His Word. I learned that first and foremost, God works
in my heart. My job is lay low and
listen. The cultivated and softened soil
of my own heart and my increasing willingness to surrender control, would make ready
a place for God to work in my marriage, which in turn would create more cultivated
land in which God could work in our children’s hearts.
I now understand more clearly how the family is an imprint of
the Trinity. I see now how the family
unit works together, although people do it imperfectly, to proclaim who Christ
is and the Gospel to the lost, within the framework of the Church. All this by just being individuals who love
Jesus and having people into our home to see how this works together.
There have been many times I’ve been deceived into thinking,
by my own heart and listening to others, there is some “other calling” for me than
being a daughter, wife, mother, and disciple maker within His church. I now see the beauty of the church, the power
of the church, God’s plan for the church, more clearly. Christ promises to build one thing: His church. Through the church, He gives
elders to lead and protect, the proclaimed word, people to lead us in
worshiping Him, groups that minister-small groups, children’s groups,
etc. God’s plan to make disciples is the
Church. His plan is clear, orderly and
purposeful, not confusing, disorganized, and haphazard.
God has taught me to get low and put others on my shoulders,
so we can reach higher collectively as a church. This means dying to self-what I want, what I
think I need. It means pushing others out in my “area of giftedness” and
stepping back to see God’s glory in His church.
It means taking the lowest place and loving to be last-serving others. It
means forgiving others. It means
encouraging other women to die to self and live in Christ, love their husbands,
children, and any others God gives. I
know God is a generational God, not a God who desires to see this generation
accomplish it all. And especially He
doesn’t see ME as needing to accomplish His plan on earth alone.
Truly Jen, there is no higher calling than that in His Word. And there is no other plan than that of His
Church.
I know this is a lot to say, but again your direct question, elicited
this response that’s been stirring in my heart for some time.
So thankful for you, dear one.
~Ang