Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Place of Brokenness-Go En-Courage Another

I've wondered about blogs and comments and the meaning of it all. As I scrolled through this list of brokenness-comment after comment-from women-with uncertainties and perceived failures and believed lies-just like me...I was encouraged and humbled and broken. I've bookmarked it to read on the days when satan is telling me I'm all alone and no one else feels this way and no one else thinks this.

Go find someone on the list to encourage...

Encourage another woman...

Friday, June 17, 2011

Naked, Exposed and the Blood of it All

I read, Motherhood as a Mission as Desiring God today, thanks to Ann Voskamp's wonderful links, and...

I am PIERCED. DIVIDED. And my thoughts and the intentions of my heart lay bare on the Surgeon's table, just as He said they would in Hebrews 4. I am NAKED and EXPOSED to His eyes and to Him I will give an account.

I reflect on my words of yesterday, and I read the soul-bearing words of today.

Do I get this? Do I understand the importance of my mission as a mother-making disciples of all nations. It's my mission, right? Starting here.

Therefore, I cry out to the living God for mercy. As my heart lay bare, faintly beating on this mother-table, I pray for the blood of Jesus to wash over my thoughts, words and actions, particularly toward my children. I pray for a new song in my heart, a fresh revelation of your grace, as I mother my 4 precious gifts.

I pray to understand this blood transfusion.

I pray to understand this "getting to" not "having to".

I pray to see the depth of my depravity and beauty of your grace and your awe-inspiring power that drops me to my knees.

I will give an account...I will give an account...I will give an account...

Pierce me, Word, pierce me straight through.
Divide me into a million pieces and lay me low.
I will be last.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

2 Toddlers and 1 Mama = Chaos

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Ana.


You know the beautiful photos of the children walking through fields of wildflowers you see on many blogs? Well, I've come to realize we ain't that family. Actually, most times our camera cards are still stuck in the cameras and both camera batteries are dead.

You know the beautifully labeled pantry containers you see on many blogs?
Blah. You won't find that here.
Our "pantry" is locked down like Fort Knox and the toddlers STILL get into into it. They're working against me, I tell ya.

Yes, we have hit the T (insert appropriate T word here) Twos. Yikes! These babies are crazy. Most days I think I'm running a dog pound with all the biting and scratching and hitting that is happening.

A typical outing...
Last week after bible study, we were in our local grocery store in the midst of many many women and their children and some men. Many of the women were casually pushing their children by in their carts as my son screamed, and I mean screamed pitches higher than one ever thought possible, throughout the entire store. All of this because "No, he could not gnaw on the block of cheese,(he's lactose intolerant for crying out loud, and No, the gallon-sized Gatorade is not for you." As I picked up the food that tumbled to the floor (because I have to keep it on the bottom-the verryyy bottom of the cart b/c my children will eat it) as I rounded the baking aisle, I was seriously considering ditching my cart (and possibly the kids) and getting the heck out of Dodge. Women were making that "I'm smiling but I'm wondering if you might want to take a parenting class" type look. You know the one. Fortunately, one of my dear friends and her daughters were in the check out line and helped us get out of the store. Thank you, God, for them.

A typical day @ Home:
I'm attempting to put away the mounds of laundry in our bedroom when I realize it is very very quiet. Like not good at all, especially when you realize you might have had 3 complete thoughts without interruptions. So...I go to the bathroom to find Ana and Gabriel taking turns dunking their toys in the toilet and Yes, Gabriel was sucking the water out of the towels he had dunked. I know...Totally Disgusting, right? Like you won't eat a potato but toilet water is a tasty treat. Who does that?

Potty training? What potty???
Gabriel decided to take his diaper off to pee today...on the floor. Great!!!!!!!!
Ana, she loves to use the potty, just to wipe. She wipes for like 5 minutes, puts the lid down, and flushes...BUT rarely does she pee. Typically after this process, Gabriel is doing the potty dance, holding himself in the most dramatic of ways, and saying he has to pee. Yeah, right! I know his tricks. He gets on the potty and starts to cry-like every time. So, instead of potty training like most moms, I avoid it like the plague. Ana says, "Pobby"(aka potty) and I say, "Oh, you want to read a book." I know-I'm not really looking for the Mother of the Year award any time soon.

And all this leads me to say I couldn't be more blessed. I wake up every day to a Father who loves me beyond my imagination. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. He promises that NOTHING can change His love for me. I have a Savior who died for my sins. I have a husband who loves me in a crazy way. I have four beautiful children, and I stand amazed that God would give them to me to raise. It's daunting. I fail. I fail miserably. And yes, I tend to be hard on myself, but seriously, I know how wicked I am. I know the depravity of my heart. I fail but God never fails. He is Faithful and True. Loving and Merciful.

Thank you, God, for all of my children, and I pray the T.Twos don't do me in.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Slow Down...

That's it. To the women of the world, me, needing to listen the most.
Just slow down.

Friday, June 3, 2011

5 Minutes...

I'm trying something new today. I need to get clogs out of my brain these days. I think I have word bundles lodged somewhere inside, begging to come out. I need all the thinking power I can get, so here is a 5 minute brain dump on "Every Day..." Gypsy Mama is the inspiration. The rules are that you write for 5 minutes on the given topic, no editing...just write and publish. Oh, the perfectionist, yet to be rid of fear-of-man in me is scared to jump. But here goes...1-2-3...I'm JUMPING....

Every day...GRACE.

Every day I awake, I ask God to show me more of who He is, more of who He isn't, and who I am in Him. I scuttlebut around, trying to still my body, after pouring my coffee. I am certainly a work in progress.

If not for the grace of God, I wouldn't make it. I used to say I wouldn't make it through a day, nowadays, I wonder if I'd make it through 5 minutes.

Two toddlers-every day-threatening to take me down, working together to mold this mama into who God has chosen for me to be. Every day-Grace. Every Day-God gently leads those who have young. Ahhh...this grace I must remember when my teeth clench hard, eyes see red-when teh cereal has been dumped yet again and the toilet has been played in, and the clothes have been cleared from Lil' Miss's drawers once again.

Every have one loving husband, one amazing son, one beautiful daughter, one sweet sweet boy, one ham of a little girl...5 amazing blessings...everyday.

Thank you, God...You are an amazing God. So faithful. So True. Just and loving. Merciful and gracious.