I don't know that I'm worthy to compare myself to Mary, the one who carried the Savior of our world in her womb, but I can't help but reflect constantly on the words of this song and the parallel in our lives at this time. Others wiser than me have written on this, so I hesitate to even try...
In December of 2007, at the hope of bringing Gabriel from Guatemala home, I first locked into the words uttered by Mary as the angel Gabriel came to her and told her she is to give birth to Jesus. I remember for the first time really, being able to put myself in her place. To be able to somewhat grasp her emotions. When we first learned of Gabriel in Guatemala, adoption was not on our radar. It truly was a divine message that we were to follow God through this child. We didn't know what it meant. We didn't know if it meant he would be our son, but we knew we were to follow God as He took us on a journey that involved this little boy. So very many things have happened since and today, two years later, we wait for the homecoming of not just one child, but two. As we wait, I continue to reflect on the particular words of the song:
Do you wonder
As you watch my faceIf a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me
I stand amazed at Mary's answer to Gabriel's words to her: "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38) Oh to have a heart like Mary's. To have a response to the Lord's Call, no matter what He says, "May it be to me as you have said." I know the Lord has chosen me to have these two children. I know He's not surprised by anything or thinks maybe He should whip up a back-up plan should I fail. He's All-Knowing. Yet, I can't help in His presence to see my unworthiness. I suppose this exactly where I should be for I truly can do nothing without Christ.
As the celebration of the birth of Jesus approaches, I long to keep Him the focus of our time, our spending, our energy, everything. But I confess. I fail. I buy things we don't need. I expend energy to please man rather than Him. I pray that I can focus on Him. On the gift of His love. Help me, Lord, I pray. I am not worthy of your love, yet you give it anyway. Freely. No strings attached. Help me to love you. Help my unbelief. Help my insecurities and sin. Show me how to love like you.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." Colossians 3:3,4
