This may be the last post I ever write on this blog. God is teaching me about boundaries, and the path may include to quit writing on this blog. If it is the last post, I want you to hear this if you've been abused in childhood:
If you have been abused in childhood, the shame and guilt you feel is normal. The difficulty with relationships is normal. The pain and confusion you feel is normal. While all these things are normal, God does not desire for you to stay where you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I know the way out of it seems much more difficult and painful than just staying where you are. That is a lie. Satan loves to keep those of us who were abused in a state of immobility. He will tell you you're never going to feel normal like everyone else. He'll tell you things will always be the way they are right now. You have a choice. You can believe your feelings or you can believe God's Word. God promises in 1 Corinthians 10:13, that when you are tempted, he will provide a way out. If you're tempted to remain where you are, He will provide a way out. He is faithful and true. (Rev. 19:11) You are not the only one. Statistics show that approximately 1 in 4 women have been abused. (Have heard this a few times...don't have a reference.) Jesus tells us in John 14:6 (emphasis mine), I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father except through me. Jesus is the way out.
One of the most effective lies at keeping me immobile was - "I did not trust God if I needed a counselor for help." I have experienced myself and read several times from others, the importance of one who has been abused going to a christian counselor. I am not saying everyone needs one, because God can do anything, in whatever way he chooses. However, if you are considering going, but haven't taken the step because of fear, just go. The following steps were helpful for me. I don't believe this is "thee" path, but hopefully in sharing, it will give you help you.
1. Came to a point where I had done everything I knew to do (read books, bible study, prayer, individual counseling w/ pastor, talked w/ friends), and I knew I still was not healing. I was circling around and around.
2. Came to a point where I thought I might go over the edge. I wasn't sure what that meant. I was not suicidal, but I felt as though I might be one step away from my brain flying apart in a million pieces.
3. God brought a particular christian counselor into my life through a friend. She had been seeing him. I trusted her, so I thought he might be trustworthy.
4. I called the counselor and made an appt.
5. I freaked. I called my pastor, talked w/ my husband. I had my mind made up that this counselor, for sure, was a perpetrator in disguise. (This is the label most men received in my life at the time. All were suspect and none were safe.)
6. I went to the appt. It was not easy. But w/ each appt., a small crack in darkness appeared, and I could see a little more light w/ each step. I began to trust my counselor a little more each time. When I would leave, I would want to thank him. As I recall, he never said, "You're welcome." He knew who was doing the healing, and it wasn't him.
7. Healing began over a period of several months and it continues today. Through the counselor and books he recommended, God healed many parts of me. I actually came to the point where I woke up one day and knew I could breathe freely. I wanted to run out into the day and shout for joy. At one point, I was settled to say, I was healed completely. I don't know if this is a totally true statement. I believe I may continue to walk out healing the rest of my time on earth. I do know that in Jesus' blood, we have redemption...(Eph. 1:7) I know that I have died and my life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Col. 3:3) I know that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. (Isaiah 61:1)
~To God alone be the glory for my healing and yours.