Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Any of You Who Does Not Give up EVERYTHING...

"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:33

"....If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"
Matthew 16:24-26

Could my "everything" mean: the ideas I have of how many children I will "choose" to have, the way my house appears, my reputation, friendships, flying in an airplane again, having "me" time, having just the right amount of time with my husband, playing guitar

These are things I'm currently learning that are a part of the everything Jesus is talking about in my life. Just until a few days ago, I was certain that we were done having children. It is not easy having two babies the age of one. Duh?! Not that I thought it would be-it's just living out the reality of it. A week ago, our oldest son announced that he thinks we should adopt again. A two-year old. From Guatemala or the United States. When he said it, I knew. I knew God was asking me to open my heart to the possibility. I literally put my fingers in my ears and sang, "La-la-la-la-la." I considered for a nanosecond what it would be like to have another child and put it out of my mind. But. Here's the BUT. God is opening my heart to the possibility. I vacillate between two thoughts, "How could we not?" and "How could we?" The babies have only been home for 5 months, so I don't expect it to happen over night, but still. It scares me half to death. I pray often that I will be like Mary or Joshua. They did just what the Lord said with trusting hearts. Will I trust?