Naked, Exposed and the Blood of it All

I read, Motherhood as a Mission as Desiring God today, thanks to Ann Voskamp's wonderful links, and...

I am PIERCED. DIVIDED. And my thoughts and the intentions of my heart lay bare on the Surgeon's table, just as He said they would in Hebrews 4. I am NAKED and EXPOSED to His eyes and to Him I will give an account.

I reflect on my words of yesterday, and I read the soul-bearing words of today.

Do I get this? Do I understand the importance of my mission as a mother-making disciples of all nations. It's my mission, right? Starting here.

Therefore, I cry out to the living God for mercy. As my heart lay bare, faintly beating on this mother-table, I pray for the blood of Jesus to wash over my thoughts, words and actions, particularly toward my children. I pray for a new song in my heart, a fresh revelation of your grace, as I mother my 4 precious gifts.

I pray to understand this blood transfusion.

I pray to understand this "getting to" not "having to".

I pray to see the depth of my depravity and beauty of your grace and your awe-inspiring power that drops me to my knees.

I will give an account...I will give an account...I will give an account...

Pierce me, Word, pierce me straight through.
Divide me into a million pieces and lay me low.
I will be last.

2 Toddlers and 1 Mama = Chaos

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Ana.


THE TODDLERS...

You know the beautiful photos of the children walking through fields of wildflowers you see on many blogs? Well, I've come to realize we ain't that family. Actually, most times our camera cards are still stuck in the cameras and both camera batteries are dead.

You know the beautifully labeled pantry containers you see on many blogs?
Blah. You won't find that here.
Our "pantry" is locked down like Fort Knox and the toddlers STILL get into into it. They're working against me, I tell ya.


Yes, we have hit the T (insert appropriate T word here) Twos. Yikes! These babies are crazy. Most days I think I'm running a dog pound with all the biting and scratching and hitting that is happening.

A typical outing...
Last week after bible study, we were in our local grocery store in the midst of many many women and their children and some men. Many of the women were casually pushing their children by in their carts as my son screamed, and I mean screamed pitches higher than one ever thought possible, throughout the entire store. All of this because "No, he could not gnaw on the block of cheese,(he's lactose intolerant for crying out loud, and No, the gallon-sized Gatorade is not for you." As I picked up the food that tumbled to the floor (because I have to keep it on the bottom-the verryyy bottom of the cart b/c my children will eat it) as I rounded the baking aisle, I was seriously considering ditching my cart (and possibly the kids) and getting the heck out of Dodge. Women were making that "I'm smiling but I'm wondering if you might want to take a parenting class" type look. You know the one. Fortunately, one of my dear friends and her daughters were in the check out line and helped us get out of the store. Thank you, God, for them.

A typical day @ Home:
I'm attempting to put away the mounds of laundry in our bedroom when I realize it is very very quiet. This.is.never.good. Like not good at all, especially when you realize you might have had 3 complete thoughts without interruptions. So...I go to the bathroom to find Ana and Gabriel taking turns dunking their toys in the toilet and Yes, Gabriel was sucking the water out of the towels he had dunked. I know...Totally Disgusting, right? Like you won't eat a potato but toilet water is a tasty treat. Who does that?

Potty training? What potty???
Gabriel decided to take his diaper off to pee today...on the floor. Great!!!!!!!!
Ana, she loves to use the potty, just to wipe. She wipes for like 5 minutes, puts the lid down, and flushes...BUT rarely does she pee. Typically after this process, Gabriel is doing the potty dance, holding himself in the most dramatic of ways, and saying he has to pee. Yeah, right! I know his tricks. He gets on the potty and starts to cry-like every time. So, instead of potty training like most moms, I avoid it like the plague. Ana says, "Pobby"(aka potty) and I say, "Oh, you want to read a book." I know-I'm not really looking for the Mother of the Year award any time soon.

And all this leads me to say I couldn't be more blessed. I wake up every day to a Father who loves me beyond my imagination. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. He promises that NOTHING can change His love for me. I have a Savior who died for my sins. I have a husband who loves me in a crazy way. I have four beautiful children, and I stand amazed that God would give them to me to raise. It's daunting. I fail. I fail miserably. And yes, I tend to be hard on myself, but seriously, I know how wicked I am. I know the depravity of my heart. I fail but God never fails. He is Faithful and True. Loving and Merciful.

Thank you, God, for all of my children, and I pray the T.Twos don't do me in.