A Year Ago...

On January 29, 2010, we flew out of JFK, headed for Dubai, UAE. We were filled with all kinds of crazy emotions.

On January 31, we landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and were taken to the YGF Guest House. We were finally in Ethiopia. It was a surreal moment.

A few hours later, we headed for Toukoul Orphanage to meet our son and daughter. We arrived at the orphanage and were ushered through the blue gate.

After waiting 10-15 minutes in the guest room, we met Gabriel John Kibrom Laubach and Ana Grace Feven Laubach for the the first time. (Gabriel is in pink. Ana is in yellow.)

Finally, we have our children in our arms. Two of our children remain on the other side of the world. Again, it was a surreal moment. No words can express the emotions that run through your body. Praising God for His goodness and this indescribable gift of family.

He indeed sets the lonely in families.

When Feelings Don't Match Loving Actions

For the most part, my feelings match my actions. I've pretty much muddled my way through life following my feelings. I learned a few years ago that this may not be the most reliable way to live. I'm learning to trust in the One True God, rather than the god of feelings.

Today my feelings did not match what my daughter needed.

She cried. I pushed away. Not with my physical actions but with my emotions. I wanted this morning to be a place of quiet rest. I wanted it to revolve around me. I wanted to sit and drink coffee, read my bible, write, whatever...just a brief mental vacation. But my daughter needed something different. I tried to placate her with books, random toys, and such while I typed. Nothing worked. She just wanted, Me. Her mommy.

What do you choose in these moments when you literally feel as though you can't, but your head is telling you, you must? I'm not sure what others choose in these moments. I can't say I really thought through it, but I sat down and cried. As I cried, I started to tell God all the reasons I can't. I told him that my feelings did not match what Ana needs right now. I told him I'm totally dependent upon him for strength. I told him I'm a horrible excuse for a mother.

As I sat on the floor with tears streaming down my face, Ana and Gabriel came and sat on my lap. Gabriel brought a book. I thought it might be a book relevant to how I was feeling. Nope. It was a Barney book. But as we sat and I read and Ana traced my tears with her fingertip, I thought back to our time in Guatemala. I thought about sitting in Casa de Los Angelitos, the baby house, surrounded by 20 babies wondering how in the world the house mother does it. God showed me at the time that I can only ever do the next thing He puts in front of me. I repeated to myself, "Just do the next thing." It's really not that hard.

Yes, I realize this sounds so selfish. It is. I am selfish much of the time. I should be thinking about the needs of my children and what the Lord would have me do, rather than my own needs. Without Jesus, I can't even imagine what I'd be doing right now. I am so thankful that He never changes as my feelings and moods and actions ebb and flow. Thank you, Jesus, for being the rock. My refuge. The author and perfecter of our faith. The only one who is able.

*Side Note: This is a random happening, not an every day event in our home. I often get emails from people after I've shared the harder part of mothering and adoption, saying how sorry they are for my difficulty. Please, please, don't be sorry. There are so many moments of pure joy in mothering. So so many. Please feel free to pray for me and all mothers, as well.

They Found Him!

Davids' (I believe his name is Davids, not David.) family found him.

You can read about it HERE

We praise you, God. We praise you for who you are. We praise you for allowing this family to welcome another child into their home.

Urgent Need for Family to Find Him

You can read the post here about this young boy whose family needs to find him.

Fear

God is the creator of feelings.
But, "Feelings make a better caboose than an engine."
(taken from a sermon @ Freedom Fellowship church)


Who Leads-God or My Feelings (Me)?
I often choose to lead with my feelings and allow my worship to follow. My initial feelings when starting something new are fear and doubt. I fear failure. I doubt who I am. I doubt who God is. When fear leads, the sure destination is the bottomless, ugly destination of self. God never intends for fear to lead a work He's predestined. There is no fear in love, He says, and God is love. He Leads. He sees it through, for His name's sake. When God leads, the destination is life. Fresh and Cleansing, Breath-Giving Eternal Life and He receives the glory.

Pulled From an Ash Heap
1 Samuel 2:8 He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap...
When God pulled me out of the ash heap and I accepted this free gift, I was not only accepting salvation, but I was accepting to worship him with all of my life, all of my being. If I truly understand what he has done for me, I will not try and barter with God to see how much of me he receives. I will fall down on my knees and lavish everything I have on Him. My alabaster jar. My two coins. Everything.

Our feelings, words, and actions may show otherwise, but Jesus calls for total devotion. In Matthew He said, "If anyone would come after me, he must take up his cross and follow me." And he said, "Anyone who loves his son or daughter is not worthy of me." And, "whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it."

Paul reminds us that our lives are now hidden with Christ in God. (Col. 3:3) Are you wondering the boundaries of how much of your life God seeks? All of it. Every. Single. Bit of it.
No leftovers. No crumbs. All of it.

God is Unchanging-We Stray
Our hearts are prone to wander. We stray like cats in the night, looking for our next meal. But God. God is unmoved. He is unchanging. He will not be swayed by our fickle feelings or prideful attitudes. At the point of decision-in determining who I will worship-I often want God to move. It's as if I want to stand on my pedestal, feet firmly planted with chin raised high. Oh, how prideful I can be. Oh, how we should praise God for his grace and mercy, his patience and endurance, with his rebellious children.

God Knows We Will Fear
As God told Joshua, He tells us over and over again: Fear Not. Be of courage. This often is not a rebuke but an encouragement. It's as if He beckons to us in grace: Move forward. Go beyond your feelings of fear and doubt. You'll find me, right here, waiting.


Can You Trust Fully Trust God?
For His name sake, Yes. It's not because of anything we can be or do. For His name's sake, He will accomplish all that He desires.
In His grace and mercy, He has shown me the danger of not following Him. Not loving him. Not worshipping Him with everything He has given me. To live without him is death.

You Were Made For This
Ephesians 2:10 says He predestined the good works He's set before me. Whether it be marriage, children, singing, playing guitar, writing, whatever it may be-He has predestined it. I need not fear failure. I will not be perfect in any of these things, but Christ, He is perfect. He will do it for His name's sake, not mine. And the purpose of this work is not my accomplishment of a task. My purpose in the work is to glorify Him. His purpose is to glorify Himself in the work, not me. In glorifying Him, I receive joy. I receive the pleasure of knowing more and more of Who He is. He gives me Himself.

Have you ever wondered why God created you? We were created to glorify Him. In living for God's glory, not my own, I receive my deepest satisfaction, my deepest joy.



I pray that we choose to move past our feelings of fear. That is, fear of man, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and choose instead to Fear Him, the One True God. To fear this wonderful creator, author, and perfecter of our faith. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Amen

His Family Found Him!

Yes. It's true. He's found his family, or more accurately, I should say his family found him.

We praise you, God. May it all be for your glory, alone.

Check out the post here.