Fleas, ER, and Stuff Like That

I sit here typing-should be sleeping. Fleas are biting my ankles. Yes, gross. Totally gross. I've swept, I've mopped, I've sprayed, cleaned, and yes, even bombed, flea-bombed, that is, our house, for what seems like a thousand times over the last week. Tomorrow I plan to spray more flea stuff, recommended by the vet. Oh, how a little pest can be such a big pain. Our dog is free and clear, and I should be thankful, but I seriously think he gave them to me. I've been trying to be thankful through it all, thanking God I have feeling in my ankles, thanking God I have a house for them to infest, thankful that it's just fleas, and fleas die. They do die, right?

And our trip to the ER...
So tonight, we're at our friends' house and we hear a scream from the bedroom. It was Ana. I knew it wasn't a normal scream. I ran to find her drenched in fingernail polish remover. It was in her eyes, her shirt was soaked. We doused her with cold water over and over. Fortunately, my friend is a nurse. Ana seemed a bit lethargic and her eyes were red. Someone called poison control. They said to give her sugar and milk. She's allergic to milk. I was in serious-mom mode, and I had my mind made up that she was going to the ER. Kim and I loaded her up. I drove. I don't really know why. I just felt like I had to get there asap. Kim sat in Gabriel's car seat beside Ana. Jim and Kev had the rest of the kids at the house. We arrive at the ER and Kim calls home to ask about the ingredients in the remover. While she's on the phone, her husband says that her work pager went off (OR recovery room nurse). Again, fortunately, we're in the hospital, the same hospital in which she is needed, so she calls up to the OR. Yep, she's needed. Skipping lots of details b/c I'm tired and must get up for church, Kim was able to help w/ the patient in the OR, Ana was seen and was given a clean bill of health, and we were finished at the same time. We left the ER laughing. I'm sure people thought we were nutso. Seriously, is that not a Seinfeld episode in the making?! Even though we were able to laugh, the seriousness of it all did hit me several times, and of course, I am SO thankful and relieved that Ana is okay.

So, this is pretty much normal around here these days. Yesterday, Gabriel hid and ate half a tube of toothpaste, okay, it wasn't really half a tube (wouldn't want to have to call poison control consecutively for two days), got into Julia's candy stash, and rubbed deodorant all over his body. And this was all in the course of thirty minutes. Lest you think I don't watch my children, if you've ever been around us, you know these two work together. I'm sure they must scheme and plan in their cribs before I get them in the morning. One distracts me and the other carries out the plans. Or, one makes a mess, I clean it, and another mess is made before I get the first one cleaned up.

This is our normal...fleas, ER, and stuff like that. I'm so totally aware that it is by the grace of God that any of us make it through a day. We praise Him for it.

2 Toddlers and 1 Mama = Chaos

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Ana.


THE TODDLERS...

You know the beautiful photos of the children walking through fields of wildflowers you see on many blogs? Well, I've come to realize we ain't that family. Actually, most times our camera cards are still stuck in the cameras and both camera batteries are dead.

You know the beautifully labeled pantry containers you see on many blogs?
Blah. You won't find that here.
Our "pantry" is locked down like Fort Knox and the toddlers STILL get into into it. They're working against me, I tell ya.


Yes, we have hit the T (insert appropriate T word here) Twos. Yikes! These babies are crazy. Most days I think I'm running a dog pound with all the biting and scratching and hitting that is happening.

A typical outing...
Last week after bible study, we were in our local grocery store in the midst of many many women and their children and some men. Many of the women were casually pushing their children by in their carts as my son screamed, and I mean screamed pitches higher than one ever thought possible, throughout the entire store. All of this because "No, he could not gnaw on the block of cheese,(he's lactose intolerant for crying out loud, and No, the gallon-sized Gatorade is not for you." As I picked up the food that tumbled to the floor (because I have to keep it on the bottom-the verryyy bottom of the cart b/c my children will eat it) as I rounded the baking aisle, I was seriously considering ditching my cart (and possibly the kids) and getting the heck out of Dodge. Women were making that "I'm smiling but I'm wondering if you might want to take a parenting class" type look. You know the one. Fortunately, one of my dear friends and her daughters were in the check out line and helped us get out of the store. Thank you, God, for them.

A typical day @ Home:
I'm attempting to put away the mounds of laundry in our bedroom when I realize it is very very quiet. This.is.never.good. Like not good at all, especially when you realize you might have had 3 complete thoughts without interruptions. So...I go to the bathroom to find Ana and Gabriel taking turns dunking their toys in the toilet and Yes, Gabriel was sucking the water out of the towels he had dunked. I know...Totally Disgusting, right? Like you won't eat a potato but toilet water is a tasty treat. Who does that?

Potty training? What potty???
Gabriel decided to take his diaper off to pee today...on the floor. Great!!!!!!!!
Ana, she loves to use the potty, just to wipe. She wipes for like 5 minutes, puts the lid down, and flushes...BUT rarely does she pee. Typically after this process, Gabriel is doing the potty dance, holding himself in the most dramatic of ways, and saying he has to pee. Yeah, right! I know his tricks. He gets on the potty and starts to cry-like every time. So, instead of potty training like most moms, I avoid it like the plague. Ana says, "Pobby"(aka potty) and I say, "Oh, you want to read a book." I know-I'm not really looking for the Mother of the Year award any time soon.

And all this leads me to say I couldn't be more blessed. I wake up every day to a Father who loves me beyond my imagination. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. He promises that NOTHING can change His love for me. I have a Savior who died for my sins. I have a husband who loves me in a crazy way. I have four beautiful children, and I stand amazed that God would give them to me to raise. It's daunting. I fail. I fail miserably. And yes, I tend to be hard on myself, but seriously, I know how wicked I am. I know the depravity of my heart. I fail but God never fails. He is Faithful and True. Loving and Merciful.

Thank you, God, for all of my children, and I pray the T.Twos don't do me in.

Forever Signed Out of the Orphanage-one year ago

Thursday

We awoke after our first full night with Ana and Gabriel. I don't remember many of the details of the night. I know we were awake in the middle of the night, giving Gabriel medicine (which oddly enough we were doing last night, too) and giving each of them bottles. One thing I loved about the orphanage staff was that the babies were on a schedule, BUT the schedule included a midnight feeding, which I was not too fond of.

We went to the orphanage with two other families. We received traditional Ethiopian outfits for both Ana and Gabriel, signed the necessary paperwork, and that was it. We visited the store of the orphanage and picked up a few things for Cole and Julia and for Ana and Gabriel to give to them as they get older. One thing we purchased was a tablecloth w/ the toukoul huts around the edge. Thus far, we've used it for Ana's and Gabriel's birthdays.

In the evening, we were encouraged to go to a traditional Ethiopian restaurant. Our friends and another adopting couple went with us. We met our lawyer at the restaurant and he joined us for dinner. Our drivers were with us, too. It was a great experience. I still can't believe the way the women and men could dance. You have to see the women whip their heads around to believe it. While at the restaurant, there was a wedding party that came for the reception. It was interesting to see.


Unfortunately, Ana started getting sick this evening (now we know it was the formula) and we were scheduled to depart the next day. Our departure day would prove to be a challenging one.

Entoto Mountain and the Babies First Night with Us

Wednesday was the day we had planned to unofficially check the babies out of the orphanage. We couldn't officially sign them out forever until after our embassy appointment, which was the following day. During our time in Ethiopia, the babies' stay in the orphanage was much like my biological children's stay in the hospital's nursery. When my children were in the hospital, I was not one to want to keep my children with me all through the night. I appreciated my sleep, and I trusted the nurses caring for my children. The same can be said for the orphanage. While I absolutely loved my children, I appreciated the transition time for them and for us. This was not the process for another family who arrived in Ethiopia with us. They arrived in Ethiopia and picked up their son the same day. Their family seemed to transition smoothly. Each family must make the decision that's best for their family.

It was decided upon with the orphanage director that we would visit Entoto Mountain in the morning and pick the babies up afterward. Our friends and us packed in our van and were taken through the streets of Addis. Perhaps it's called a hill in Ethiopia, I'm not sure, but from my comparison to the landscape of PA, it was definitely a mountain. I'm told the Ethiopian athletes train on the mountain. It made me tired just looking at it. There were several young people filling the streets just below the mountain. Several women were walking the mountain with firewood on their backs. We saw donkeys/burros carrying firewood as well. Children were walking up and down the mountain. I just sat and stared out the window at the wonder before my eyes. Again, I was reminded, "I wasn't in Kansas anymore."

We visited the museum at the top of the mountain and gave out a few pens at the suggestion of our agency. People came out of the woodwork to receive a pen. I've looked back on this experience and wondered what a few pens could do. I'm not sure of the answer, but I do know it allowed me to touch the people. There was one older gentleman, sitting with his bible, which looked ancient-literally. I sat down beside him and handed him the pen. He looked at me in a way I couldn't decipher. Had he seen a pen before? Was he wondering what I was doing? I couldn't read the expression on his face. Not knowing what else to do, I ripped a piece of paper from my journal and drew a smiley face on it. He gave me a human smile. I gave him the paper and my farewell and headed back to my husband. We loaded back into the van and headed for Toukoul to sign the babies out of the orphanage.

Driving with the babies in the van for the first time was a bit interesting. There are no seat belts and no car seats in Addis. I suppose all of Ethiopia. I'm can be a bit of a safety nut, but it didn't really bother me. It just felt odd, holding the babies in our laps. I remember being sad that when we returned to the US, they would have to be in car seats. (I would have been even sadder, had I known how Ana would scream in hers :-) I don't remember much of the rest of our evening. I know we started the babies on the formula we took, which would lead to a badddd evening the next night. We didn't know it at the time, but both babies are lactose intolerant. I recall being up throughout the night, but I don't know how often. I know we were up at midnight, as the orphanage fed them every night at this time. Gabriel was also on medication for his breathing, which we had to administer through the night at some point.

We awoke on Thursday and prepared to sign the babies out of the orphanage forever.

Would You Do It All Over Again?

Daddy and Gabriel.

Signing Gabriel and Ana out of the orphanage.

The coffee ceremony.

Mama and Ana.

Leaving the orphanage for the last time. (except when we had to take Ana back to the dr.:-)

Last night, my husband and I reflected on walking back through our adoption and discussed whether or not we would choose to walk back through the circumstances of this last year.

Both of us absolutely would walk back through the year to have our son and daughter in our arms, but we were discussing the circumstances on which we had different answers. I said an emphatic, "NO", I would not choose to walk through the circumstances again. Jim said a calm, "yes", he would. I reminded him of Ana being sick before our departure, me being sick the whole plane ride home, our mad-dash through the Dubai airport to catch our plane, our horrid diarrhea upon returning home, moving from our house, moving from our church, and our accident. He just laughed.

I lay this out for other adoptive families who may not have their child/children in their arms yet and even for others who put expectations on future endeavors. I often have an expectation of how things are going to go, how I'm going to feel, and how I'm going to be smiling all the while I'm doing it, when in reality, things most often do not go the way I think they will, my emotions are crazy, and I'm often crying or silent instead of smiling. I often say I have a rainbows and unicorns mentality before the fact, and during I wonder what hit me.

I definitely had this mentality in preparing for our time in Ethiopia. I expected to feel "love at first sight" when landing on Ethiopian soil. I didn't. It felt so surreal, that I don't know that I had any emotions, or perhaps too many to express. I expected to feel "right at home", when in reality, I felt "so far from home". This IS how I felt when we landed in Guatemala 6 months prior. I felt "at home". During our stay in Ethiopia, I expected to meet a hundred people I fell in love with and we'd keep in touch-well, I don't think I remember one person's name, with the exception of our driver, who spoke little English.

Everyone was so welcoming and the people were just beautiful. We were well taken care of and I loved so many things about Addis. Even now, I can reflect back and remember tiny details that make my heart swell.

I love how the roads had no signs-it pretty much fits my don't-put-me-in-a-box mentality.

I love the young woman at the desk of our guest house. She was so sweet.

I love our driver, even though we communicated very little. I love how he reminded me of George Jefferson and all the while I felt like he was our protector.

I love how we sat on the balcony at night playing cards with our friends.

I love hearing the Ethiopian music wafting through the guesthouse as we slept.
I love the memory of holding the man's hand at Entoto mountain.

I love how the many cupped his hands and said a million thanks for shoes that a teenager had sent from the US for someone who could use them.

I love how the men showed affection toward one another.

I love how we ate outdoors almost every lunch.

I love how there was a calmness about the people.

So many things to love...

Is it possible to prepare and move forward with no huge expectations of feeling this and feeling that? I suppose it is. I believe this is how my husband operates, and I so admire him for it.

I wonder as I type if I tried to do things in my own strength while in Addis. In part, I suppose I did. I know for certain that it is God's amazing grace that has seen us through the last year. I know God works all things for good for those who love him. I know we are richly blessed beyond measure. I know Jesus Christ holds all things together. I know I choose the One True God versus the god of my feelings today as I walk out the steps before me.

May you be richly and deeply blessed as you move forward in whatever steps the Lord may have you take today and always, for His Name's sake and glory alone.

A Year Ago...

On January 29, 2010, we flew out of JFK, headed for Dubai, UAE. We were filled with all kinds of crazy emotions.

On January 31, we landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and were taken to the YGF Guest House. We were finally in Ethiopia. It was a surreal moment.

A few hours later, we headed for Toukoul Orphanage to meet our son and daughter. We arrived at the orphanage and were ushered through the blue gate.

After waiting 10-15 minutes in the guest room, we met Gabriel John Kibrom Laubach and Ana Grace Feven Laubach for the the first time. (Gabriel is in pink. Ana is in yellow.)

Finally, we have our children in our arms. Two of our children remain on the other side of the world. Again, it was a surreal moment. No words can express the emotions that run through your body. Praising God for His goodness and this indescribable gift of family.

He indeed sets the lonely in families.

Sometimes you have control of the hair...

and sometimes it's controlling you.

Is Family Worth More than a Trifle?

As my family shopped last evening for a few camping items and other items for our house, I came across a trifle bowl. I've been wanting one for months and never picked one up. When I found it, I showed my husband, and he said, "Sure, go ahead and buy it, if you think you need it." Do I need it? Hmmm. I suppose not. But, can't I just want something? Just this once. (Slight exaggeration-I want things All the time ie. coffee, new floor, naps, and the list goes on and on). So as we drove home, I became quiet, and I suppose a bit angry. I knew in my head it was ridiculous to be angry over a trifle bowl. The funny thing was, I didn't know who I was angry with: my husband for asking the question, myself for wanting it, or God for not allowing me to have it. I knew there was a bigger issue at hand than the trifle bowl, but I didn't know what it was. I'm not sure that I know all the implications today, but I learned something through this seemingly ridiculous experience.

How many times in my life do I choose the trifle bowl over what really matters, for now, we'll call what really matters, "the pan of brownies"? What would the purpose be behind the trifle bowl? It would look pretty. I could prepare beautiful desserts. My friends and family would be impressed. And there you have it. Two sinful deceptions I deal with in my life: pleasure and position. What would the benefits be of a simple pan of brownies? They're quick, leaving me more time with my family. They're nonimpressive, leaving no room for anyone to think about me while they're eating them. They're still delicious, allowing us to give thanks for simple pleasures.

As I thought of the parallel of the "Great Dessert Display Dilemma", I thought of my life, and how God directs me to choose the simple pan of brownies-the important things in life, the eternal things, and every ounce of my being screams for the trifle bowl-the unimportant, the temporary.

I want to go to a quiet beach somewhere in the Outer Banks. A quiet retreat to the mountains close to home is best. I want a few new shirts. The several shirts I own is best. I want to live in a quiet place in the country with a little land.  To be grateful for our home in town is best. I want to see my kids graduate from high school and spend the last part of my life here on earth, quietly with my husband, sitting on the porch swing hand-in-hand.  Giving up my life is best. 

No, God's best and my desires do not always match. But, I do trust that His ways are the best ways. It is a constant laying down of my life, including my wants and my desires on a daily basis.

Do I really need more evidence than this?

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what is best, even when I pout like a baby. Thank you Lord, for loving me enough to discipline me. Show me how to do the same with my children, Lord. Thank you for everything. Every single thing you give and every single thing you don't. I love you, Lord.


And because God always says it best,
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ~Matthew 6:19-33

Filled with Joy