Entoto Mountain and the Babies First Night with Us

Wednesday was the day we had planned to unofficially check the babies out of the orphanage. We couldn't officially sign them out forever until after our embassy appointment, which was the following day. During our time in Ethiopia, the babies' stay in the orphanage was much like my biological children's stay in the hospital's nursery. When my children were in the hospital, I was not one to want to keep my children with me all through the night. I appreciated my sleep, and I trusted the nurses caring for my children. The same can be said for the orphanage. While I absolutely loved my children, I appreciated the transition time for them and for us. This was not the process for another family who arrived in Ethiopia with us. They arrived in Ethiopia and picked up their son the same day. Their family seemed to transition smoothly. Each family must make the decision that's best for their family.

It was decided upon with the orphanage director that we would visit Entoto Mountain in the morning and pick the babies up afterward. Our friends and us packed in our van and were taken through the streets of Addis. Perhaps it's called a hill in Ethiopia, I'm not sure, but from my comparison to the landscape of PA, it was definitely a mountain. I'm told the Ethiopian athletes train on the mountain. It made me tired just looking at it. There were several young people filling the streets just below the mountain. Several women were walking the mountain with firewood on their backs. We saw donkeys/burros carrying firewood as well. Children were walking up and down the mountain. I just sat and stared out the window at the wonder before my eyes. Again, I was reminded, "I wasn't in Kansas anymore."

We visited the museum at the top of the mountain and gave out a few pens at the suggestion of our agency. People came out of the woodwork to receive a pen. I've looked back on this experience and wondered what a few pens could do. I'm not sure of the answer, but I do know it allowed me to touch the people. There was one older gentleman, sitting with his bible, which looked ancient-literally. I sat down beside him and handed him the pen. He looked at me in a way I couldn't decipher. Had he seen a pen before? Was he wondering what I was doing? I couldn't read the expression on his face. Not knowing what else to do, I ripped a piece of paper from my journal and drew a smiley face on it. He gave me a human smile. I gave him the paper and my farewell and headed back to my husband. We loaded back into the van and headed for Toukoul to sign the babies out of the orphanage.

Driving with the babies in the van for the first time was a bit interesting. There are no seat belts and no car seats in Addis. I suppose all of Ethiopia. I'm can be a bit of a safety nut, but it didn't really bother me. It just felt odd, holding the babies in our laps. I remember being sad that when we returned to the US, they would have to be in car seats. (I would have been even sadder, had I known how Ana would scream in hers :-) I don't remember much of the rest of our evening. I know we started the babies on the formula we took, which would lead to a badddd evening the next night. We didn't know it at the time, but both babies are lactose intolerant. I recall being up throughout the night, but I don't know how often. I know we were up at midnight, as the orphanage fed them every night at this time. Gabriel was also on medication for his breathing, which we had to administer through the night at some point.

We awoke on Thursday and prepared to sign the babies out of the orphanage forever.

Would You Do It All Over Again?

Daddy and Gabriel.

Signing Gabriel and Ana out of the orphanage.

The coffee ceremony.

Mama and Ana.

Leaving the orphanage for the last time. (except when we had to take Ana back to the dr.:-)

Last night, my husband and I reflected on walking back through our adoption and discussed whether or not we would choose to walk back through the circumstances of this last year.

Both of us absolutely would walk back through the year to have our son and daughter in our arms, but we were discussing the circumstances on which we had different answers. I said an emphatic, "NO", I would not choose to walk through the circumstances again. Jim said a calm, "yes", he would. I reminded him of Ana being sick before our departure, me being sick the whole plane ride home, our mad-dash through the Dubai airport to catch our plane, our horrid diarrhea upon returning home, moving from our house, moving from our church, and our accident. He just laughed.

I lay this out for other adoptive families who may not have their child/children in their arms yet and even for others who put expectations on future endeavors. I often have an expectation of how things are going to go, how I'm going to feel, and how I'm going to be smiling all the while I'm doing it, when in reality, things most often do not go the way I think they will, my emotions are crazy, and I'm often crying or silent instead of smiling. I often say I have a rainbows and unicorns mentality before the fact, and during I wonder what hit me.

I definitely had this mentality in preparing for our time in Ethiopia. I expected to feel "love at first sight" when landing on Ethiopian soil. I didn't. It felt so surreal, that I don't know that I had any emotions, or perhaps too many to express. I expected to feel "right at home", when in reality, I felt "so far from home". This IS how I felt when we landed in Guatemala 6 months prior. I felt "at home". During our stay in Ethiopia, I expected to meet a hundred people I fell in love with and we'd keep in touch-well, I don't think I remember one person's name, with the exception of our driver, who spoke little English.

Everyone was so welcoming and the people were just beautiful. We were well taken care of and I loved so many things about Addis. Even now, I can reflect back and remember tiny details that make my heart swell.

I love how the roads had no signs-it pretty much fits my don't-put-me-in-a-box mentality.

I love the young woman at the desk of our guest house. She was so sweet.

I love our driver, even though we communicated very little. I love how he reminded me of George Jefferson and all the while I felt like he was our protector.

I love how we sat on the balcony at night playing cards with our friends.

I love hearing the Ethiopian music wafting through the guesthouse as we slept.
I love the memory of holding the man's hand at Entoto mountain.

I love how the many cupped his hands and said a million thanks for shoes that a teenager had sent from the US for someone who could use them.

I love how the men showed affection toward one another.

I love how we ate outdoors almost every lunch.

I love how there was a calmness about the people.

So many things to love...

Is it possible to prepare and move forward with no huge expectations of feeling this and feeling that? I suppose it is. I believe this is how my husband operates, and I so admire him for it.

I wonder as I type if I tried to do things in my own strength while in Addis. In part, I suppose I did. I know for certain that it is God's amazing grace that has seen us through the last year. I know God works all things for good for those who love him. I know we are richly blessed beyond measure. I know Jesus Christ holds all things together. I know I choose the One True God versus the god of my feelings today as I walk out the steps before me.

May you be richly and deeply blessed as you move forward in whatever steps the Lord may have you take today and always, for His Name's sake and glory alone.

A Year Ago...

On January 29, 2010, we flew out of JFK, headed for Dubai, UAE. We were filled with all kinds of crazy emotions.

On January 31, we landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and were taken to the YGF Guest House. We were finally in Ethiopia. It was a surreal moment.

A few hours later, we headed for Toukoul Orphanage to meet our son and daughter. We arrived at the orphanage and were ushered through the blue gate.

After waiting 10-15 minutes in the guest room, we met Gabriel John Kibrom Laubach and Ana Grace Feven Laubach for the the first time. (Gabriel is in pink. Ana is in yellow.)

Finally, we have our children in our arms. Two of our children remain on the other side of the world. Again, it was a surreal moment. No words can express the emotions that run through your body. Praising God for His goodness and this indescribable gift of family.

He indeed sets the lonely in families.

When Feelings Don't Match Loving Actions

For the most part, my feelings match my actions. I've pretty much muddled my way through life following my feelings. I learned a few years ago that this may not be the most reliable way to live. I'm learning to trust in the One True God, rather than the god of feelings.

Today my feelings did not match what my daughter needed.

She cried. I pushed away. Not with my physical actions but with my emotions. I wanted this morning to be a place of quiet rest. I wanted it to revolve around me. I wanted to sit and drink coffee, read my bible, write, whatever...just a brief mental vacation. But my daughter needed something different. I tried to placate her with books, random toys, and such while I typed. Nothing worked. She just wanted, Me. Her mommy.

What do you choose in these moments when you literally feel as though you can't, but your head is telling you, you must? I'm not sure what others choose in these moments. I can't say I really thought through it, but I sat down and cried. As I cried, I started to tell God all the reasons I can't. I told him that my feelings did not match what Ana needs right now. I told him I'm totally dependent upon him for strength. I told him I'm a horrible excuse for a mother.

As I sat on the floor with tears streaming down my face, Ana and Gabriel came and sat on my lap. Gabriel brought a book. I thought it might be a book relevant to how I was feeling. Nope. It was a Barney book. But as we sat and I read and Ana traced my tears with her fingertip, I thought back to our time in Guatemala. I thought about sitting in Casa de Los Angelitos, the baby house, surrounded by 20 babies wondering how in the world the house mother does it. God showed me at the time that I can only ever do the next thing He puts in front of me. I repeated to myself, "Just do the next thing." It's really not that hard.

Yes, I realize this sounds so selfish. It is. I am selfish much of the time. I should be thinking about the needs of my children and what the Lord would have me do, rather than my own needs. Without Jesus, I can't even imagine what I'd be doing right now. I am so thankful that He never changes as my feelings and moods and actions ebb and flow. Thank you, Jesus, for being the rock. My refuge. The author and perfecter of our faith. The only one who is able.

*Side Note: This is a random happening, not an every day event in our home. I often get emails from people after I've shared the harder part of mothering and adoption, saying how sorry they are for my difficulty. Please, please, don't be sorry. There are so many moments of pure joy in mothering. So so many. Please feel free to pray for me and all mothers, as well.

Sometimes you have control of the hair...

and sometimes it's controlling you.

What a difference a year makes...

One year ago, the older kiddos were eagerly anticipating the arrival of their brother and sister...look at them now. Merry Christmas.

The Hard Days

It's the hard days that cause me to write. The hard days-when the laundry's piled high, the toys litter the floor, and my heart seems as though it's breaking in a million pieces. Yes, the housework reflects my heart. The days when a child's face can bring me to my knees. It's how I process, I suppose.

I used to think the face of a child in an orphanage might shatter my heart, but the other day... The other day I was reminded of children who have no one and they live on their own. Children the age of my oldest son-ten years old. They're not even in an orphanage with adults to care for them or food to sustain them. These are the days when I ask, "How Lord, how can we care for so many?" And He says, "One. One at a time." You do the work I set before you. One at a time."

Are the hard days so hard because I'm relying on myself. Have I forgotten who my Father is? Have I forgotten what Jesus has done for me?

I have begun to think that it is not too small a thing to focus all my energies and affections on the cross of Christ. When I look elsewhere, to the right or to the left, I feel discouraged. I must focus on the Cross because what I feel is not an accurate reflection of whose I am or who I am and most importantly who He is.

Dear God~In the name of Jesus, I ask for your grace and mercy, as I turn from myself and my feelings to You. I ask for forgiveness for relying on anything other than you. Amen

Is Family Worth More than a Trifle?

As my family shopped last evening for a few camping items and other items for our house, I came across a trifle bowl. I've been wanting one for months and never picked one up. When I found it, I showed my husband, and he said, "Sure, go ahead and buy it, if you think you need it." Do I need it? Hmmm. I suppose not. But, can't I just want something? Just this once. (Slight exaggeration-I want things All the time ie. coffee, new floor, naps, and the list goes on and on). So as we drove home, I became quiet, and I suppose a bit angry. I knew in my head it was ridiculous to be angry over a trifle bowl. The funny thing was, I didn't know who I was angry with: my husband for asking the question, myself for wanting it, or God for not allowing me to have it. I knew there was a bigger issue at hand than the trifle bowl, but I didn't know what it was. I'm not sure that I know all the implications today, but I learned something through this seemingly ridiculous experience.

How many times in my life do I choose the trifle bowl over what really matters, for now, we'll call what really matters, "the pan of brownies"? What would the purpose be behind the trifle bowl? It would look pretty. I could prepare beautiful desserts. My friends and family would be impressed. And there you have it. Two sinful deceptions I deal with in my life: pleasure and position. What would the benefits be of a simple pan of brownies? They're quick, leaving me more time with my family. They're nonimpressive, leaving no room for anyone to think about me while they're eating them. They're still delicious, allowing us to give thanks for simple pleasures.

As I thought of the parallel of the "Great Dessert Display Dilemma", I thought of my life, and how God directs me to choose the simple pan of brownies-the important things in life, the eternal things, and every ounce of my being screams for the trifle bowl-the unimportant, the temporary.

I want to go to a quiet beach somewhere in the Outer Banks. A quiet retreat to the mountains close to home is best. I want a few new shirts. The several shirts I own is best. I want to live in a quiet place in the country with a little land.  To be grateful for our home in town is best. I want to see my kids graduate from high school and spend the last part of my life here on earth, quietly with my husband, sitting on the porch swing hand-in-hand.  Giving up my life is best. 

No, God's best and my desires do not always match. But, I do trust that His ways are the best ways. It is a constant laying down of my life, including my wants and my desires on a daily basis.

Do I really need more evidence than this?

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what is best, even when I pout like a baby. Thank you Lord, for loving me enough to discipline me. Show me how to do the same with my children, Lord. Thank you for everything. Every single thing you give and every single thing you don't. I love you, Lord.


And because God always says it best,
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ~Matthew 6:19-33

Reality of Adoption

It's not all rainbows, unicorns, and confetti. I knew it in my head before, but now we're living it. Last night was a rough one. Ana was awake about every hour. Right now she's asleep, in her sling, attached to me. I find myself asking God questions on a moment by moment basis. I'm learning more about my weakness and my independence, and it's not pretty. I guess weakness is a good thing, but independence, yikes. I look back over some of the things I've done in the last year, heck even in the last day, and realize how much I rely on myself or others to get the job done. I'm learning about total dependence on the Lord for every breath. Someone recently said something like, "God always will have you in a position where you will have to trust Him if you're following Him." Trust. How do I trust Him completely? Do I trust Him completely? With everything?

I'm understanding the reality of adoption is joy and pain. Just like my adoption as God's child. I remember distinctly the day I rounded the corner on Newman Road on my way to work, and I gave Jesus my whole life. (I've since had to surrender my selfish desires many times.) I had no idea that day the joy and pain that would follow. The pain of looking back on my past, realizing how I must have grieved my Father every time I turned away from Him. The joy of realizing I am loved unconditionally, no strings attached. Do I really get it? Do I really know how much I'm loved? I look down at this precious babe in the sling attached to my hip. How could I not believe that my Father loves me more than I can imagine and that He loves to be gracious to me?

I look at Ana and Gabriel and wonder what they've been through in their little lives. It comforts me to know the Lord knows. He's not surprised by anything that happened or the fact that they are with us. It comforts me to know He knows all about me, especially during these times of transition when I'm not sure that I even know myself.

I am so thankful for this life. It is hard. But I know it is of Him. I'm learning.

Journaling our Journey-Day 1

On Friday, January 31, C and J left with Meme at about noon. It was so hard seeing them go. Cole has been having difficulty with us leaving, so it made it especially hard. After they left I slumped on the chair and had myself a good cry. I think it was all of my emotions coming to a head. I pulled myself together, with Jim's help, and I don't really recall what we did until Clint and Tom came to pick us up to drive us to the airport. It was finally time. Rick and Cindy, our traveling companions, aka angels sent straight from heaven and our drivers, again, pure sweetness, arrived. I took the last few minutes before we left to clean J's room. It's kinda my thing. When I'm nervous, I clean, more like straighten. I get this weird craving to have everything around me neat and symmetrical. I have issues. Our flight on Emirates left around 11:30pm. If you haven't flown Emirates, you should. Wow, are they fantastic! On the way to Dubai (12 hour flight), we had a few meals, snacks, hot drinks. You also had your very own entertainment system. Crazy. I watched a few episodes of Friends (just for you, Ashley) and a movie or two. The crew on the plan was wonderful: young, sweet, and took care of your every whim. The hotel in Dubai was incredible. We landed at 8:30pm (their time). They gave us a meal ticket for dinner, a refreshment (for that late night craving-that's what I'm talkin' bout, and breakfast. The food was delicious, until I ate the hottest thing to ever touch my tongue. I thought it was a vegetable and ate the whole thing. Shamwow! I could feel it from my ears to my toes. Another funny, at dinner, Cindy didn't see them pour her water out of the bottle. So upon realizing this as she took her first mouthful of water, she held the water in a mouth for a few seconds and spit it back into the glass. Jim and I just stared at her. I was thinking the water must be gross. When she told us what had happened, it pretty funny.

We left in the morning at 8:30 am to travel to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We were so excited! We weren't sure if we would meet the babies or not, so we were trying to keep our excitement at bay. We landed and made it through the airport. We were told to not allow men to help you with your bags unless you have birr (their currency) to tip them. So, what happens?. A few men come and put our luggage on a luggage rack to take it a few yards away. I was little confused b/c we were still in the airport and I didn't know if they were hired by the airport to help us or not. Communication was definitely an issue at various times. Cindy and I ended up exchanging our money for birr, the men wouldn't take no for an answer, and we tipped them. However, they followed us, telling us we didn't tip them enough. Not a good way to start the day in Addis. A man asked if he could help me. I told him I'm looking for our lawyer, Sintayew, from Dove Adoptions. Finally, a man came over, told us he is our lawyer, and said, "I was holding the sign. You didn't look at me." Apparently Rick was looking, but

Rick's so tall and our lawyer's on the short side, that Rick didn't see him. I think our lawyer realized I was going

to cry and eventually said that everything was okay. Jim thought it was a language barrier, not that he was upset with us. So, we're loaded in the van, meet our driver for the week (Ephraim), and Sintayew asks if we want to meet our children today. UH...YEAH!!! It was about a 5 minute drive to the YGF guesthouse where we stayed for the week. We unloaded our things and we went for lunch. My stomach was not feeling well (blame it on the pepper of death), but lunch looked delightful. Jim, Rick and Cindy enjoyed it. We had a few hours to kill while we waited to see the babies. It was finally time. We hopped into our van and off we went to Toukoul. The door is where the babies would enter.

Filled with Joy

We're Home!

Life is good, and God is Great.

We're home! It is SO good to have all 6 of us under the same roof. We're trying to get acclimated. A few photos to share, too.

Excitement and the Hard Part

C and J just left with Meme. That was the hard part. I had to have a big 'ole cry when they left. I just love them so darn much. God continues to remind me to give them over to Him. That He is their provider, not me.

The excitement builds as we think of seeing A and G for the very first time.

We are praying for peace for the kids that surpasses all understanding.

See you when we return with two more blessings...

How do you pack...

Okay, seriously. How do you pack for two babies? I have no idea how much they weigh at this point. We've not received an updated weight since the beginning of December. I'm told that some of the babies are being moved to a newer facility, so updates are a bit sparse. Which, I would normally be okay with that, it's just that there are so many variables to packing for these little ones. I know I need to turn this over to the Lord. I can't do it. Don't you love when you get to the point where you throw up your hands, scream aloud at God, and say, "I can't do this! You'll have to!" And He replies, "Finally."

What Is It Like?

I'm wondering what it's like to see your baby's face for the first time? Of course, with C and J, I can picture it as though it was yesterday. Will it be different? I haven't seen photos of them for two months. Will they look as different now as they did in their updated photos? Am I really going to hold them and kiss them and whisper into their ears that I love them? How could this be? How could God be so good to allow us to experience this and so much more. For C and J-they will see the brother and sister they've been praying for for so very long.

I've been focused on so many other things: work, house, car, etc. I'm choosing to focus first on Jesus and my family. Everything else is just details, and I know God has the details covered.

It appears as though I'll be teaching on my last day of school. It's an interesting turn of events. My long-term substitute's child is sick, poor thing, so she's staying home today. I'm excited to see what the day brings. It will definitely be fun being in the saddle at least one more time :-) Thank you, Lord, that report cards were completed yesterday, and of course, praying for her child to feel better.

Our babies will be home soon...

We leave in five days. In many ways, it feels like it's the most normal thing to do: to jump on a plane to Africa and bring our children home. In some ways, it seems surreal. I remember thinking as I stood in the Baby House in Guatemala that I could hardly believe that I would be allowed to take two babies home. Staring into the faces of the babies and toddlers while there was just beautiful...changing diapers, a necessary evil. I kept thinking, "Really? They'll let us leave with two beautiful children? Really? " So yes, it's true, really. It's what God does. It's who He is. Really. He sets the lonely in families.

Change and Packing

I distinctly remember sitting in this exact chair by the computer, telling my husband that I didn't feel content. I wanted to be at peace, yet it seemed as though something needed to change. I wasn't sure what that was: my job, our family, our house-I just couldn't pinpoint it. As I described this to one of my friends, she said, "Wow, this reminds me of Joshua, crossing the Jordan." I just kind of looked at her blankly because I didn't know the story. Well, I do now. I've read it, meditated on it, and thought about a few hundred times since then. We have seen the result of what God has been whispering to us very clearly over the last few weeks. Here's the rundown:

Referral of Babies-October 26 (change of family)
Sell car-buy van-Jan. 9 (change of car)
Negotiations underway for sale of home-Jan. 22 (change of house)
Last day at current job for a while-Jan. 26 (change of job)

So, one month and much has changed. I told God many times that I was ready to cross, to cross to the other side. I didn't know what it meant, I just knew He was calling us. I still don't know fully all that it means, but I'm excited to see where He leads.

We're in the midst of packing for our trip to pick up the babies. We leave in less than one week-wow.

I'm so thankful. It's the only thing I can really say. I've tried so many times over this last month to verbalize to our friends, coworkers, family how thankful I am that they have come along side us in this journey. It has been nothing short of a miracle to see how God has worked in others' lives and our lives over the last year.

Praising God that He never changes, for being our rock.

We passed!!!!!!!!

They are ours and we are theirs. (One day before we expected it. Amazing)

Gabriel John Kibrom and Ana Grace Feven are now Laubachs!!!!!!!!

Yahooo!!!!!!!!! Praising God.

The Story of "The Call"

So...I never ever left home without my phone and made sure I knew where it was at all times. During work, it sat on my desk b/c I wouldn't be able to hear it otherwise. However, on this particular day, I took my students to computer lab and a last minute distraction (there are many in first grade :-) caused me to go to the lab without my phone. So, I'm in computer lab, and I look out the door and see my husband standing in the doorway. I seriously thought I was dreaming for a minute. I went to the door and my first words were, "This better be a good thing". He started smiling and said that "Yes, it is a good thing. We got the call." Screeeeeeeeech. Hold up! What?! The call?! I thought I would get the call. I was quickly going through the last half hour in my mind and realized that I left my phone in my classroom, so I couldn't have gotten the call. So, then I said to my husband, "Please, please tell me I'm not dreaming." These last few weeks have had me a bit on edge, waiting and wondering, and I wasn't certain of reality for a brief moment. (Yes, I'm pretty much on the edge of clinically insane at any given moment.) So, I blubbered something to the computer tech. aide that we got the call and I remember her saying "Go. Go." I kept asking if my kids would be okay, and again, she was like, "Just Go!" So, Jim and I went to my classroom and with shaking hands, crying, smiling, blubbering, we pulled up their faces. Oh. My. Goodness. They were/are so absolutely beautiful. I know. Parents have to say that, but they are. They really are. So, that's it. Jim got the call. It was absolutely amazing. Praise God!

What's Next?

For those of you who don't hang on every adoption timeline or read every blog of anyone who has ever adopted from Ethiopia, you may be wondering what will happen next? Well, a lot of things are happening behind the scenes in Ethiopia and with our agency. Basically, we are waiting for a court date. If both babies pass court (while we are still here in the US), we'll travel to pick them up after that time. Several other families who received their referrals weeks before us, received a court date of Nov. 30. I have no idea when ours might be. I can't wait to see our babies, but I also know we have A LOT to do before we pick them up. HOWEVER, if someone told us we could get them tomorrow, we'd be on a plane to Ethiopia tonight :-)

Continuing to praise God and stand amazed at His truly awe-some nature and work...